I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
