so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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