i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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