I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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