I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
