You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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