Who wears a wallet chain?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
