I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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