the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
