Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
