even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
