If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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