There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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