we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
