I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
tell me about the eggs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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