he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
