she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
