I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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