just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.