He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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