She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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