It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
