Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
