I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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