dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
