I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
