I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
