dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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