she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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