My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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