wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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