Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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