I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
