I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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