i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
