I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I looked at my own cervix.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
