do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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