Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
