Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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