Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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