nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
