Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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