Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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