It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
