he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
