I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i now understand why vodka
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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