I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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