I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
