I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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