i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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