I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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