best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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