yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
