i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
