i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
