Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
