He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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