and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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