So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
