the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
