All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
not ubering you a puppy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
