Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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