I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
