final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
