1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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