I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
