Best friends brother. Beat that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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