everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
