Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
