Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
