she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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