Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
