god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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