Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
