i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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