Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
