so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
