she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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